Beautiful Dreams and Horrible Nights

by Pyrosys

I am not going to immediately go into the present as I feel you should know a little back ground on me as person. I am currently 18 I lived a decent childhood. I was picked on heavily for 5 years in school but werent we all. I had a mental break down my freshman year of high school leading to one of many suicide attempts. I spent 3 weeks in a mental hospital. I at this point turned to drugs to make life more bareable. At first I am smoked pot and the occasional coke. I then discovered acid summer before sophmore year. I dove head long inot the drug. I started with 2 hits and over the course of 6 months progressed to taking on less than 30 hits every friday night. I topped off at 80 hits of liquid lavender at the end of the summer and havent done acid since. I have experimented with several other hallucinagens such as amt, dmt and mescaline. Needless to say I was a very avid fan of hallucinagens at that time. I took an IQ test for a counselot my parents sent me to that said my IQ was at that time 176. That school year I was put on probation with drug test every two weeks so I was forced to quit drugs. I have been sober except for the rare case of getting drunk with friends about once every 2 months since that time. Now that you know a little background I will move into the reason for writing this.

In the beginiing of junior year I began to try and develop my mind. At first simply to be able to control my body. To control things such as seritonin and sleep. I would sit at night meditating on this and slowly over the course of a few months I did gain control of these things. I gained the ability to sleep when I wonted to regardless of if I was no tired. I could also wake at anytime I wished with out alarms. These things may not impress you. I dont expect them to. I am only explainging the beginning.

It is now the beginning of senior year. I was gaining an interest in closed I visuals. I had the thoguht that if I can see those things on acid why can I not also see them sober considering it is all in the mind. It began wth closing my eyes in silence and focusing on seeing a black dot in the center of my "vision" This was easy to accomplish. I then moved into moving the dot where i wished. Then making objects. At first they where extremely abstract in shape, bu slowly they came into focus with practice. Now that I was able to manipulate and see black outlines of objects I wished to go further to gain color. I found a technique I call the window. As i would play with the blackness I would sometimes see a small fraction of my vision shift in colors usually green and blue its extremely small as I hadnt noticed it before that time. I focused on it and was able to bring it forward giving me the ability to now manipulate the object allowing color into my vision. At first everything was ofcourse quite blurry and very simple but with practice I was able to see flashed of perfect images, landscapes mainly. But i was unable to hold the in focus for more than a few seconds before they would fade. I kept working on it nightly for weeks developing it. Over the course of 7 months I was able to see whatever I thoguht without difficulty. This was interesting and uite fun when bored but I wished to go further. I began to try and see the real world. It started with being able to project my vision from my body into the room around me. I was able to move my vision to different angles fluidly as if flying. Over a period of 3 months of constant practice I was able to see for miles around me. See what my friends where doing, no the traffic on the roads, it had hundreds of uses. I has thrilled of my new gained abilities. I tested them constantly to make sure they where real. I would tella friend to do something to their room like move things around put up posters and the life. I was able to perfectly describe their room to them with out ever going to their house after it was done. I was now out of school by 4 months.

I now could feel energy around me. I found that each person carrys this energy inside them in various levels. Some people have mroe than others. Wether they know it or not they use this energy on a daily person. When you look at someone and they for no reason turn and look directly into your eyes. Things of that nature. I was able to feel these energies from others. I passed some people that had over whelming power and others that bairly had any. This energy is what I beleive is powered by the mind. The strength of the mind the amount of control it has. Not knowledge, as knowledge is only of this world. but instead of the ability to figure out and and the craving for the truth. Never being satisfied with what is told to you but to seek your own truths.

At this time I decided to try and take my abilities farther. I wanted to cross teh time barrier. To know what was going to happen before it did. I did my normal routine of meditation of laying down in my room in silence with no chance of distraction and no light. I opened my mind and began to reach for aything window that would allow me through this barrier. I found it that night. It also found me. As I layed there a presence came into the room. I felt unimaginable amounts of power around me. Nothing like I had ever experienced before. I couldnt move, I was afraid. I saw my first taste of time that night. The presence showed me the following week in quick flashes of imagery. It showed me my girl at the time breaking up with me, then flirting with my friend jackson behind my back. They would go out 2 days after the break up. They would try and hide it from me. These things shocked me. I could not have known it was coming. She had not yet even met my friend jackson. After the visions everything went black and I was back again in my bed with this presence near me. I could feel its gaze roll over me as I lay there and could feel that it had some kind of a fascination with me. I finally forced my eyes to open because I could stand it no longer and the presence was gone. The energy I had felt was gone. I felt only cold, the growing pain of my first migraine, I was alone, no one else in the house.

I seeked answers but had no where to turn for them. I was lost scared and confused. I didnt know what to think of my experience the night before. I wanted to go back to find the answers I seeked. This thing contiued to come to me for the next few days showing me things that amazed me, each night ended with entense migraines that slowly began progress into physical body pain. IT was bareable so I continued. Then things begin to change. It began to take me farther. to cross more time to show me far into mine and others futures. The pain grew more intense. I would nearly break to tears after each encounter. I began getting horrible migraines 2-3 times a day. I tried every otc medicine I could to make them stop to no avail. I wanted it to stop. I couldnt handle it. It was to much to fast. I wasnt ready for this. I was able to now feel what it was feeling as it seemed it was giving me a part of itself when it showed me these things. I could feel it was dissappointed at how I was reacting to what it was doing. It was trying to show me something, something I wasnt understanding. It would watch me through the day now. I could feel it following me. Feel the heat of its gaze. Its dissappointment was growing into impatience.

Now we are at present time. This past week It has come everynight with the same vision. The first I saw myself sitting in what I knew was my apartment somehow even thoguh I live in my parents house at current. It looked familiar. I was sitting on a couch watching tv. and I heard a crash as if of breaking glass. At that moment it broke off the vision as it was unsure wether to show me or not. It left that day. The pain was unbareable I layed crying in my bed for hours, it felt as if my body was ripping apart and my mind was being ripped from my skull. Slowly the pain subsided and I was able to think about what had happened. I didnt feel its presence again untill that night when It continued the vision. I heard the crash as before and turned to look down a hall to my left. Saw nothing but a calendar at the end of the hall. The date March 24, 2005. I looked back at the tv and it was on the preview channel. It was march 24, 2005. I could feel this held some kind of significance. It broke off the vision again. This time the pain was immediate and last almost 3 hours. I know I screamed but I could not hear anything over the sounds hammering in my ears and the pain shooting threw my nervous system. The following night It continued. I heard the crash again, once again looked down the hall and at the calendar but this time a door opened at the end of the hall on the left. Out stepped a tall black male with a leather jacket, black beanie, and jeans, a hard complection, very built in the body, I guessed about 6'2 in height 320lbs. Next a mexican stepped out. He was about 5'6 in height rather thin, He had long black hair slightly curlly and in a mess. He war a ragged white shirt and khaki pants. At first I was unable to understand if I knew these people then I saw the gun. The black male drew the gun a medium sized pistol. I was unable to make out the model. but as teh weapon came up iI saw myself sit up, but I had no sign of suprise on my face and Then all went black., and grew very cold. There was nothing else nothing just silence and cold darkness. It showed me my own death.

I have now have had that same complete vision 7 times. Each followed by ever increasing pain. I wrote this as both a record and as a plea to the world. If anyone has any input or questions about this please email me. I am growing desperate in my attempts to make it stop and to gain control of my mind again. If anyone can help please contact me at formatuniverse@aol.com be descriptive in your subject line as I readily delete spam mails. Thank you for listening.